Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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