just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
