my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
