so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
