It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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