i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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