What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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