I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
