I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
