We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
