Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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