I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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