i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife đŹ
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing âHappy Birthdayâ to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, âWhy didnât you sing along?!?â I responded, âI donât know him. I donât give a shit if he has a happy birthday.â
Randomize
