i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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