So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
