I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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