I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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