how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
