tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
