Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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