Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
