how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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