surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
