Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
A bitchslap is in order.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
