I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
