Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
