I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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