just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
His nipple licking is glorious
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