From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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