so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
