I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
