Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
