They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
