Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
