do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
