i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
