Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
