Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
