they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the condom got lost in my hair
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
