Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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