Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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