Me. At least after what I've been through.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
