As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
