I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
