I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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