Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
