I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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