TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
