My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
