There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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