Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
even my farts smell like vagina
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
