I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
