I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
