so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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