Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
