That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
